Battletoads

Developer: Rare     Publisher: Tradewest     Released: 1991     Genre: Beat em up

It is hard for younger gamers to imagine now but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were worldwide phenomenon at one point, with merchandise in every category around the globe.  I freely admit to being caught up in the mania at the time and remember it fondly.  With success came imitators and some of this stuff was blatant and flat out sad.  However among that crowd Battletoads stands out.  This late gen NES release pushes the system hard and had the potential to be among its greatest games.  In some ways it is.  But its ridiculous difficulty keeps it from being the amazing game it should have been.

Right away there is a lot to like about Battletoads.  Like the Turtles games this is a brawler.  The Toads themselves (Zitz and Rash) don’t possess a wide array of combos or anything.  Instead their bodies transform for comical finishing moves. These are highly situational but always fun to see as they constantly change.  Indeed, it is amazing just how many different attacks are packed in the game as new ones are introduced almost to its conclusion.  These are what help give Battletoads its identity.

Even with its vast assortment of colorful attacks Battletoads would grow stale as it is twelve stages long.  The pure beat em up levels only comprises a small sample of its stages.  One of the best qualities of the game is its variety.  Nearly every level is some new scenario that can be insanely fun.  Stage two is a decent down a long corridor on a bungee cord.  Aside from spikes you need to stop crows from severing your line.  The Snake pit features no enemies as you must navigate each spike filled room on long winding snakes. Stage nine is one of the longest as it is a series of races against indestructible gears.  The catch is that it takes in water filled tubes that slow you down.

As exciting as these levels are the real star of the game are its vehicle based stages.  The Turbo Tunnel, Surf City, Volkmire’s Inferno, and Clinger Winger place you in the controls of numerous vehicles in a series of high speed tests of skill and memory.  These are the most exciting stages in the game as they get the adrenaline pumping.  These levels present a significant spike in difficulty as a single mistake equals instant death.

But therein lies the problem.  Battletoads goes too far in its difficulty and it affects the game overall.  There is nothing wrong with a high challenge so long as it is fair.  The game is frustrating to the point of aggravation.  Nearly every level has numerous instant death mechanics that are not easy to avoid.  The game relies on gotcha style level design at every turn that is simply not fun.  From a bed of spikes out of view, to bosses that can stomp you flat, it happens left and right.  The game has no passwords or battery back-up; you are given limited continues and that is it. Considering Battletoads has twelve levels and the difficulty is off the charts it isn’t enough.

Those that have played Battletoads before are catching PTSD right now.

It is no exaggeration to say that most tap out in the Turbo Tunnel. And that is level three!  The Turbo Tunnel is split into five long segments that force you to memorize each and every jump to reach the end.  If I showed you a map it would be ridiculous.  The Snake pit requires rote memorization as you have almost no time to follow the path of the snake before death.  Clinger Winger requires inhuman reflexes to follow the path of the track, all while electricity follows you. And in a fun bit of fuckery, this level is glitched.  In two-player coop the second player can’t move!  Not that I can ever picture two players getting that far any way.

You want to know the most frustrating thing? If you take the time to get good at it Battletoads is insanely fun.  Once you start to memorize the more troublesome sections it is a rush like no other. Surf City is less frustrating than the others and aside from featuring awesome music is a great level in general.  Racing Scuzz to the bottom of the vertical shaft is harrowing but awesome.  The game is littered with these moments.  The problem is the amount of time it will take to see all this content is possibly not worth it.  I spent a good portion of the summer of 1994 working on Battletoads. While I enjoyed it I don’t know that it was worth it.

In Closing

Battletoads is a fun yet frustrating game that could have been more.  Battletoads has some of the highest production values on the system and is full of content. Whether you will stick around to see all of it is questionable.