Developer: Toaplan Publisher: Toaplan Release: 05/31/91 Genre: Shooter
In an age where internet memes are created every hour it is interesting to look back at some of the earliest. Decades ago (!) even before youtube a random video of Zero Wing’s intro and its awful translation became an internet sensation. To this day it is still hilarious and fondly remembered. Becoming a meme was the best thing for the popularity of Zero Wing as the game is fairly middling otherwise. No one talks about the game itself for a reason.
In the future the United Nations agrees to a peace treaty with an alien dictator named CATS. However CATS breaks the accord and begins to decimate Japan’s space colonies. To add that extra bit of spice he taunts their leader before killing him as well. Before their destruction one lone ship, the ZIG, is sent out to stop CATS and his forces.
The story sounds simple doesn’t it? However deciphering this in the game is not. The localization of the brief intro is truly in a class of its own. Apparently a staff member who did not have a good grasp of the English language is responsible for the translation. Trust me it shows. There are several cringe worthy lines but the most legendary, “All your base are belong to us” lives on in infamy today. Now to the game….
The ZIG has a large variety of weapons. Collecting any weapon equips you with two satellites that cover your flank. These mimic your current weapon like options in Gradius. In addition you have a tractor beam that can capture enemies. Grabbing an enemy is simple and you can snatch smaller craft. These can then be used as a shield or thrown as a projectile. This is crucial as there is no actual shield power-up; the rare bomb can function as one but if it is hit too many times it will detonate prematurely. There are three weapons, homing, laser, and spread that each has three power levels. There is one extremely rare power-up that boosts the size of your satellites and firepower significantly. But how it appears is a mystery to this day. The game is generous with power-ups so reaching full power is simple unlike most shooters.
Zero Wing has the pacing of R-Type which is not the only area the two games are similar. With its bio-mechanical enemies the game has a somewhat distinct look. However the action is not terribly exciting. Oh it has its moments of course. There are times where enemy waves are relentless and backed up by more powerful monstrosities and it is thrilling. Some of the later bosses pose a threat with their aggressive heat seeking missiles. But by and large you will spend most of your time in a corner mowing down enemies with little effort. Some levels drag on way too long and end unceremoniously. The good art direction and multiple endings per difficulty level are not enough to hold your interest sadly.
Unlike most shooters Zero Wing is median in its difficulty. As I said before power-ups are plentiful to the point you will actively avoid them. Checkpoints are spaced out evenly so death is little impediment. The homing shot is literally game breaking. With this you can easily park yourself in one spot and let the weapon do all the work. Normally homing weapons are weaker to balance their convenience. Here the rate of fire is so fast it makes up for that and is the weapon of choice. The game makes it easy to rack up extra lives too. Once you have maxed a weapon further icons grant point bonuses. But rarely they give 1-ups, 2-ups, and even 10-ups. On my run I received this bonus twice enabling me to breeze through the game. You can raise the difficulty but it is still a cake walk next to other shooters.
In Closing
Zero Wing is not a bad game per se. But is pretty much average. It does nothing unique which is not a crime in itself. But there is nothing notable about it either. In a sea of similar shooters Zero Wing does not stand out aside from its hilarious intro. But you can watch that on youtube rather than playing the game. There are too many better options available to bother with this one.
